Okay. The honeymoon is over. Christmas is wearing off and the kids are driving me near insane with their stir crazy, whining, fighting, “MoooooooOOm!” screams and general follow mommy around the house talking to her all day long. I swear I get a contact headache just listening to them on the rare occasion that they actually play without screaming my name. Yeah. The honeymoon is over and the children have outstayed their welcome. And I have to make it until January 3rd? This should be interesting.
The Mom (Super Human) in Me -VS- The Human in Me 31st January
My goal for the new year is to keep it simple. I thought it was a great goal until I started thinking about all the other things I’d like to accomplish in the new year. Now I am worried. The list is so long! But there is one special goal that kind of lingers in the back of my mind.
I have this theory that all moms have super powers. Most have the general super power of being “Super Human”. This basically gives mothers the ability to put up with the truly testing behaviors our children display from the moment they are born. It allows us to maintain our composure (at least without going Jeffery Dahmer) through the runny poop, puke on the carpet, not on the couch, crayon on the wall and colic infants. It is the power to be “Super Human” and if you are a mother, you possess this super power. Okay, okay, I digress.
I am convinced that I have not fully mastered this super power yet. I am WAY to a human for motherhood. My alter egos are fighting with each other and the human ego is winning the war. I am determined to rectify this problem.
The human in me cannot stand the whining. The human in me might whip around at a whining child and say something like “Stop crying like a little girl!” Yikes. Not good at all if I were to (hypothetically) say such a thing to one of my children. The human is me doesn’t want to play Chutes & Ladders and silently curses the person who bestowed the game upon my children because the human in me never really liked that game and the joy on my children’s faces doesn’t change that. The human in me cannot understand the utter lack of common sense in pointless conversations like the following.
The Professor (after looking outside and seeing it snowing. After TELLING me it was snowing): “Mom, is it snowing outside?“
- Me: “Yes, It is snowing. Didn’t you just tell me that?”
The Professor: “Yes. But if it is only snowing on our house, why is there snow across the street?” (what the hell?)
- Me: “It’s snowing everywhere. What made you think it was only snowing over our house?“
The Professor: “I was just tricking you!”
- Me: “Um. Okay.”
A few seconds elapse where he stands there watching me and then…..
The Professor: “Why don’t you laugh at my jokes?”
Right there, the mom in me and the human in me start to battle.
The human in me desperately wants to tell The Professor that I don’t laugh because they aren’t funny and they don’t make any sense. And while the human in me is being honest, she also wants to say that he has been telling the same nonsense making jokes for 2 years and I have given up hope of him ever telling me one that is actually funny. The human in me was trying to make a new recipe and The Professor being bent on having my undivided attention just made me lose track of the cup page*.
Read Now Yes I am that mom
But the mom in me stabs me right in the heart with guilt for being annoyed with a child who was disappointed that I didn’t laugh. The mom in me wants to drop to the floor rolling in pretend laughter just to make him feel better. The mom in me will creep into his room when he is sleeping and feel guilty for not laughing. Then she will condemn herself to 3 games of Chutes & Ladders and a game of Monopoly as a punishment for failing to beat the human in herself down with an invisible stick and save the day by laughing at yet another unfunny joke told by the master of unfunny jokes.
So you see, I have a problem. The human in and the mom in me are taking me on a ride through motherhood that I am pretty sure I’ll not survive. It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt, Ya know? It sounds like I need to somehow get the two working together for the new year huh?