Being a Parent is Hard
This post is for The Parenting is HARD-Pour Your Heart Out Blog Hop. I use this as more of a confessional. I love this blog hop because it gives me a chance to just vent–and I can blame it all on the blog hop so I don’t feel like a crazy person. If I am in fact crazy…..sshhhh…..don’t tell me. Ignorance is bliss, right?
I think that despite the vast amount of mommies on the internet, the enormous amount of blogs about being a mother and the countless forums and communities for parents, we moms just don’t talk enough. Or we aren’t talking about the right stuff?
Everyone Loves Being A Parent Is Hard
I have read a lot of blogs with posts about how imperfect moms feel as parents. I’ve written dozens myself, only to delete them for fear of someone telling me that I really do suck as a parent. But my feelings of inadequacy haunt me. I continuously write them on paper with the intention of posting them here, and then I lose my nerve. Then I go to the blogs I love, and read posts like this or this, where moms are being very hard on themselves or learning that they have been too hard on themselves. And I read posts like this, meant to inspire, but the inspiration doesn’t last very long, before we are bringing the anvil down on our heads again.
I know exactly how these moms feel. I understand exactly what the Dad is talking about. Yet still I look around and see many, many parents doing, what I consider to be, a much better job than me. What is going on? If we are all right about our parenting skills, than the world is full of much more bad moms than good ones. That can’t be right.
I Don’t Want To Spend This Much Time On Being A Parent Is Hard. How About You?
There is no way to actually know if we are getting it right. Am I a better parent than the parents that came before me? I have no idea. Will my children grow up to be successful, or will they be living in my basement playing video games when they are 28? No clue. I don’t know what the future holds or whether anything from our past has played a detrimental role in my child’s future. I don’t know any of these things. Am I a good mother? By my standards, not even close. By other peoples standards? I don’t know. To be fair to myself, I’ll give myself a generous 5 on a scale of 1 to 10.
Parenting is One Big Mind-Fuck.
Maybe I am being unfair to myself. It’s very possible I am. Most people think (or claim) that my children are great. I see the disgusting bedrooms, shit in the underwear at 8 years old, ungrateful mutterings about all the things that would be better than what was received, and failing grades. I see the loud voices in a place where quiet is needed, the interruptions, the fighting, the speech therapy and developmental or emotional delays. I am the one everyone looks at when one of my children magically escapes my grasp and runs into the street, or gets into a fight at school or lets some forbidden word cross their lips loudly in a room full of people. That is a lot of pressure!
So here is the conclusion I’ve come to.
And not all people are kind or perceptive enough to realize that this is a part of parenting too. This is the UN-pretty part of parenting. This is what makes parenting so damned hard. Sleepless nights, self-doubt, self-punishment, big, fat relationship fails because we gave so much to our children and didn’t have enough left for our spouse–all a part of it. Shit happens, puke happens, injuries happen, fights happen. Parental mistakes happen. Children do not play by the rules.
Being A Parent Is Hard Shortcuts – The Easy Way
It’s easy to say this right now. The Gremlin is sleeping because he is sick. Damian is miraculously cleaning his room. The house is quiet. I’ll so regret the gremlin sleeping later. And when things start getting hard or one of my children asks a guest what they bought him, I’ll being painting FAIL on my forehead with lipstick while I cry and listen to Do you really want to hurt me, all over again.
Wow. I didn’t even know I was that crazy.
The point is, parenting is hard and outsiders never really get a good enough glimpse to judge. Yet, we worry about what judgment will be made. Parenting really tests you. It brings out both the best and the worst in all of us and it isn’t an exact science. Our children join us with only the basic instructions to feed them, house them and love them. But there are so many different views on which way is the right way to do that. Maybe this is what our parents were talking about when they told us we’d understand when we had kids.
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